Stage Mom My Ass!

Stage Mom My Ass! One of the most frequently used terms in show business and young performers is 'Stage Mom.' I've known a lot of dance and performer moms throughout the years. I've never met a stage mom ... at least not one that fits the standard definition. Seems to me that the term is now used for ANY parent who speaks up about wanting to get his or her child more training or solo training or more into the spotlite. And what is wrong with putting your child into the spotlite? If no one knows you're there, no one will hire you. If no one knows you're there, no one will see you. If no one knows you're there, no one will call you to do anything!!! Talent or no talent!

I once knew this woman and her daughter. The daughter was good at some things and absolutely horrible at most everything else. Everyone labeled her as a girl with very little talent. There was NO chance she would be selected to solo. Her mother practically camped out in the dance studio office constantly asking about solo opportunities, private lessons, auditions, etc. She drove her daughter to NYC at least once a week for auditions (which she got sometimes) and demanded that she be given special attention by asking for private lessons so her daughter could improve on the areas where she was lacking. Well in this studio, private lessons were reserved for kids who demonstrated natural talent. When the mother got upset because the dance teachers would not give private lessons to the girl, they labeled her as a stage mother ... and the worst kind. The mother left the studio ... and rightly so ... as I heard the 'after hours' gossip and her daughter would never have had a chance there. The girl ended up at a studio with a lesser reputation where they were not too proud to give the girl a solo and she grew into a beautiful dancer who started winning lots of dance awards. I saw this girls mother as a good mother who stood up for her child and fought for the good of her child ... not a stage mother. If that's what a stage mom is, then anyone who is not a stage mom should be ashamed.

I find the term stage mom is most often used by studio owners and instructors who ... after closer investigation, aren't giving that child what they need and the parents say something about it. Sure, there are some kids who clearly lack talent ... but where do these instructors think that the talent comes from? ... That is, after all, what kids take lessons for. I'm so sick of hearing that a child is hopeless if they don't have "natural talent" ... like these people know talent when they see it. In fact, I've seen many kids who "lacked talent" leave one studio, only to flourish in another studio. It is true, that sometimes parents see more talent than really exists, but many times when a parent points out the potential for talent, they are labeled as a stage parent.

I should have spoken up more for my daughter. I should have tried to earn the stage mom label a little sooner. I should have been loud and requested more than she got. Fact is, that because I was quiet and followed the rules of the studio, my daughter suffered. Only after I realized that my complacency was hurting her, did I begin to speak up and get her what she needed. It took her a lot of work to catch up and thankfully, she did. So, if you ever run into anyone who is labeling another parent a stage mom, they probably have some kind of motive behind calling them that. It's probably because they don't want to do what the parent knows is best for their child. It's probably because the parent wants to be in control of their own kid ... which is kind of their job as a parent, isn't it!